The Other Woman

I should be ashamed of myself. I have not blogged in over two months. I am not worthy of readers and it is highly likely that many Janie fans have given up and will never bother to look at my lame, tardy blog ever again. I understand. I do.

Maybe I deserve to have "The Other Woman" wreaking havoc on my life ...... Hmmmmmmm. I don't know, she is pretty awful. I am not sure anyone, not even my worst enemy, should have to share their man with Dora. That's right, D D D Dora, Dora the Explorer.



My hate for Dora is disturbing. Since my son fell in love with her I find myself consumed with nasty thoughts about this creepy little chick. I am embarassed to say that I sat through an entire stop light the other day daydreaming about how funny it would be if D D D Dora got D D D DEPORTED.

In case I still have any followers and- in case they happen to be followers who don't have kids- Dora is a cartoon character that teaches kids Spanish. She is also, you guessed it- an explorer. Thrilling. If this doesn't ring a bell, go to any Walmart and you will find lots of white trash kids apparel with her fat little face on it.

I dragged a sceaming and kicking Tyler out of the store the other day because I would not buy him a Dora bedding set. Had I known, I wouldn't have spent a bajillion dollars at Pottery Barn Kids.

"I want Doorwa- uh, uh, uh," he cried. "Boots and Doorwa."

Boots is a monkey. He is Dora's sidekick and he wears boots. Holy creative.

I've had hardass parents tell me, "You are the parent. You control what they watch."
Um yeah. Good luck. I do draw the line. No Nip Tuck. But really, controlling cartoons? Dora may be freaking driving me clinically insane, but Tyler is silent for an entire episode. A wise soul once said, "Silience is golden." I pick my battles, and I complain about them here.

On the way to work this week I hit a traffic jam and came up with this (I thought it was pretty good):

D= Dumb f*&^ing haircut.
O= On her way to being obese. Seriously D, no more belly shirts.
R= Rather eat my toenails with ketchup than watch her show.
A= An idea for prison reform! Dora 24/7 = Corporal punishment.

Thank you Jami B., Rachel S., Stephen E., and Sarah O. for pushing me to continue writting.